Words by Matt Dursum
Sure, I’ve squatted in a chicken coop, taken a bite out of a living and squirming fish, and greeted a group of men holding machetes with a nervous smile. But why did I feel the most out of place in Oklahoma?
Culture shock is a common feeling when we travel, and sometimes we even experience it at home. But what is it and why can it be so unbearable?
We can describe culture shock as a feeling of distress and discomfort when confronted with a culture, attitude, or way of life that’s different from ours. This can also happen when our values are challenged. According to research and my own personal experience, this feeling can be prolonged and broken down into five stages, as first described by anthropologist Kalervo Oberg.
In 2009, I packed up and relocated to rural Japan. I spent the next four years riding the wave of emotions that comes from being an expat. There were times of immense pleasure, extreme loneliness and anger, and a feeling of understanding that can only be described as feeling at home.
Everything is Great
Oberg’s first phase of culture shock is the addictive Honeymoon Phase. This is the romantic feeling of being somewhere new. Everything is exciting. The foods are special; the people seem warm, and the landmarks are striking. Your senses are on overdrive and dopamine and adrenaline are flowing freely in your brain.
This feeling can be addictive, which is why many travelers choose to visit a destination for only a week or less. For me, the honeymoon phase of my life in Japan was filled to the brim with exploration. A new culture, new food, and an unfamiliar landscape enchanted every part of my soul. I was in love with a place and felt like I was on a constant high.
Everything Sucks
Just as you start to get used to your awesome new home, it all comes crashing down. During the Rejection Phase, Oberg points out that we begin focusing on the worst parts of our new environment. Whether it’s the societal flaws, the weather, or the food, anything associated with that place makes us cringe.
Unfortunately, this is when many people choose to leave. I experienced horrible crises just shy of completing my first year in Japan. Social issues like whaling to the never-ending feeling of being stuck trying to learn a language—Japanese being one of the five hardest for English speakers, brought me to my limits of patience and acceptance.
Looking for the Familiar
We know this stage as regression. After the horribly uncomfortable Rejection Phase, the Regression Phase brings you on a search for the familiar. When people hit this phase, they tend to seek the company of others from their home country, eat familiar foods, and satisfy their homesickness.
During this phase, roughly around the beginning of my second year in Japan, I rediscovered Hip Hop. It wasn’t hamburgers or American TV that brought me home. It was gritty New York MC’s or the smooth funk of Outkast, or the West Coast melodies of The Pharcyde and Ice Cube.
Feeling at Home
The Adjustment Phase is where the negatives and positives balance out and you start to feel at home. I hit this stage roughly a year and a half into my life in Japan. Through surfing, I started making a lot of friends and best of all; it was genuine. I knew this because they hated English and our conversation was purely in Japanese.
This also meant that my Japanese was finally good enough to make friends. I had almost given up. Yet, I busted my ass and learned a language that today I speak and use several times a week.
From here, I made my community. Relationships with neighbors and coworkers blossomed, and I got to experience a lifetime’s worth of experiences along the way. Japan felt like home. I felt at home driving there, touring around unfamiliar parts of the country, talking to strangers. It was like I was Japanese, minus standing out like a polar bear in the desert.
Were there negatives? Yes, absolutely. But everything felt balanced. I ended up spending a total of four years living and working as an English teacher in Japan. This experience changed me and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I Grew Up Here?
When I came back to the USA, I was shocked. I remember arriving in Chicago. Everything was big and loud. I felt intimidated. It took me about 2 days and a few Chicago craft beers and warm hugs from my friends to get me back in the swing of things.
When you become familiar with the ways of doing things elsewhere, coming home can feel strange and foreign. This is called Reverse culture shock. It happens when people have difficulty re-acclimating to their home country when they return from overseas or experience parts of their own country with values and cultures just a little different from their own.
Why Oklahoma?
Fast Forward several years, and I was on a road trip through the Midwest, taking my time driving through Oklahoma. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt like I was far from home, even though I was in my own country.
Experiencing culture shock in your own country is actually a common experience. Oklahoma is full of American charms, nice people, and beautiful areas that are as quintessentially American as you can imagine.
However, growing up in Michigan and California, my subconscious feeling of home is far different. Oklahoma lacks large bodies of water. Many towns lack my favorite comfort foods, like taco truck tacos, ramen, or smoked lake fish. Even salads were hard to find. The omnipresent religious billboards and open spaces free from mountains did me in. Oklahoma subconsciously felt like the most foreign place I’ve ever been.
Culture shock is a funny thing. I’m sure my friends, born and raised and still living in Oklahoma, would be shocked that I felt this way. I, too, would love to challenge my strange internal feelings. Maybe they would feel the same way about my home state?
In my opinion, experiencing culture shock is a good thing. It challenges your biases and pushes you out of your comfort zone. Most importantly, it shows you what your “comfort zone” really is. By challenging culture shock and experiencing its different phases entirely, you may even acquire a new found home or learn to appreciate your own.